*Sigh*

Things have been stressing me out full force lately. Things at home are really getting bad, and it's gotten to the point where I'd rather stay anywhere than come home every day after school. My brother, at least I think, has an anger problem and he doesn't seem to understand it. He freaked out over a piece of pizza that I had eaten, and I just asked him if I wasn't supposed to, because I had no idea it was saved for anybody. And he swore at me, this was all in texts. He got very angry at me, so I called him, and he screamed and swore at me even more and then hung up on me. So again, I phoned him back, and he proceeded to swear more, and then called me a dumb bitch. So I got mad at him, screamed back at him, and hung up and threw my cell phone in Tyler's lap and just started bawling.

Needless to say, when I got home, things got worse. He went after Tyler, not physically but verbally ( that was bad enough ) and then I got pushed by my brother, and nobody seemed to fucking care. My mom and dad were more concerned with the fucking Bachelor than with the fact that my brother just told my boyfriend to leave and pushed me. Yep, The Bachelor was much more important.

My mom doesn't understand why I'm so angry. She's blaming me, and saying that I need to stop "carrying on" and being upset about it. But I haven't done ANYTHING wrong! I'm being blamed for everything, and it's really stressing me out. I don't even want to go home tonight, so I've decided that I'm going with Tyler and his friend Rob and they have to work on a car that they're going to flip, but I don't care. I'd rather sit there in the cold and watch them than go home and be screamed at for every little thing.

Being this upset and stressed out doesn't help much for weight, either. I get stressed and then I feel like eating. And I'm an emotional eater, by far. There are times where I don't feel hungry, and I feel like just crawling into a corner where I don't have to feel anything. I don't have to feel hunger, sadness, anger -- nothing. I've felt this way all morning. But I know that when I do go get my lunch from the cafeteria, I'm going to want to get something fatty, or something comforting. I can't find comfort in food, and that's something I need to get sorted out NOW rather than later.

I don't even exactly have money for lunch. I had to buy my prescription last night which I wasn't pleased about, and I only had $31 in my bank account. It cost nearly $29. So I now have maybe $2.00 in my bank account, if that. And that has to last me until next Thursday/Friday when I get paid.

My dear friend Emily listened to me this morning as I was explaining what happened and she gave me ten dollars to get lunch. I felt bad, because she doesn't exactly have the money to give, either. But she was more than willing and she said she wanted me to eat and be full and happy. So, I can have lunch today. :)

So what I'm going to try to work on is just ignoring certain things, and trying to look to the future where Tyler and I can live together and just forget about all the bad things. I need that so bad right now.