And so it begins...

So starts the beginning of a weekend where all I do is eat at restaurants. Oops.

We're going to check in at the hotel today for our Valentine's weekend adventures. :P It's going to be such a fun weekend!

Today, Ty and I are going to a Vietnamese/Thai restaurant for dinner before the hockey game. Then tomorrow we're going out for breakfast, and dinner at Turtle Jack's for Valentine's Day. And Monday we have breakfast out again, and then come home.

So that's a lot of eating out. Ah well. Sometimes, it's good to do :P

... At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I need coffee, so off I go to get some. Perhaps I'll blog later at the hotel, who knows! :)

*Sigh*

Things have been stressing me out full force lately. Things at home are really getting bad, and it's gotten to the point where I'd rather stay anywhere than come home every day after school. My brother, at least I think, has an anger problem and he doesn't seem to understand it. He freaked out over a piece of pizza that I had eaten, and I just asked him if I wasn't supposed to, because I had no idea it was saved for anybody. And he swore at me, this was all in texts. He got very angry at me, so I called him, and he screamed and swore at me even more and then hung up on me. So again, I phoned him back, and he proceeded to swear more, and then called me a dumb bitch. So I got mad at him, screamed back at him, and hung up and threw my cell phone in Tyler's lap and just started bawling.

Needless to say, when I got home, things got worse. He went after Tyler, not physically but verbally ( that was bad enough ) and then I got pushed by my brother, and nobody seemed to fucking care. My mom and dad were more concerned with the fucking Bachelor than with the fact that my brother just told my boyfriend to leave and pushed me. Yep, The Bachelor was much more important.

My mom doesn't understand why I'm so angry. She's blaming me, and saying that I need to stop "carrying on" and being upset about it. But I haven't done ANYTHING wrong! I'm being blamed for everything, and it's really stressing me out. I don't even want to go home tonight, so I've decided that I'm going with Tyler and his friend Rob and they have to work on a car that they're going to flip, but I don't care. I'd rather sit there in the cold and watch them than go home and be screamed at for every little thing.

Being this upset and stressed out doesn't help much for weight, either. I get stressed and then I feel like eating. And I'm an emotional eater, by far. There are times where I don't feel hungry, and I feel like just crawling into a corner where I don't have to feel anything. I don't have to feel hunger, sadness, anger -- nothing. I've felt this way all morning. But I know that when I do go get my lunch from the cafeteria, I'm going to want to get something fatty, or something comforting. I can't find comfort in food, and that's something I need to get sorted out NOW rather than later.

I don't even exactly have money for lunch. I had to buy my prescription last night which I wasn't pleased about, and I only had $31 in my bank account. It cost nearly $29. So I now have maybe $2.00 in my bank account, if that. And that has to last me until next Thursday/Friday when I get paid.

My dear friend Emily listened to me this morning as I was explaining what happened and she gave me ten dollars to get lunch. I felt bad, because she doesn't exactly have the money to give, either. But she was more than willing and she said she wanted me to eat and be full and happy. So, I can have lunch today. :)

So what I'm going to try to work on is just ignoring certain things, and trying to look to the future where Tyler and I can live together and just forget about all the bad things. I need that so bad right now.

Smooth Sailing .... I think?

Things are going well, for the most part. Tyler seems to be on board with me, and as far as I know, we've both been going for healthier choices. I'm trying to walk/take the bus more than before, which I think is a good thing to do because I've barely used buses. In fact, since being with Tyler, I've taken the bus more than any other time. I'm not afraid of it anymore, and I actually kind of like it. Thanks, babe <3

So I made my own salad today at school, which I hadn't done before. It was so good! I felt really good about it, which I quite liked. I have no idea what dinner is, I'm assuming leftovers at home. I don't have the money to buy anything -- well, I do, but then I just can't have anything else during the week haha.

Bootcamp resumes next week, so I really need to do some workouts during the week off. I doubt anybody's reading this, but if there is, and you have any workouts or tips, let me know! :)

Here we go!!

So this is the first blog, of hopefully many, of my attempt at a successful weight loss. I started this to share my feelings with people because that's something I have a hard time with.

I've been going to Cardio Boot Camp since January of this year, and I've gone religiously. I haven't missed a workout, which is a great thing for me. The last time I joined boot camp, I didn't go as often as I should have. I signed up for 3 days per week and would end up going maybe one or two of them.

My attempt at Jenny Craig didn't work out so well. I didn't want to join Jenny Craig in the first place, because growing up, a lot of kids would call me fat and would say "Go join Jenny Craig" as if it were a bad thing. Jenny Craig does a fantastic thing for so many people, and it did work for me but I think I had too big of a goal. I signed up for a year, in hopes that I would lose 100lbs by December 2009. I didn't. And I think if I had joined during those promotions, "20lbs for $20", and did a little at a time, I think I would have been more successful. Either way, I'm currently not on the program anymore, and I am enjoying the freedom I have with eating other foods.

But perhaps that's the problem. Tyler and I eat out a lot, which is something we both have to work on. He generously told me yesterday that we'll get serious about this and that he's going to work with me. And that's what I need -- someone to work with me.

I want to get into running because it has always been something I hate. Ever since I can remember, I hated running. I would like to learn to love it, honestly.

So my goal for February is to start running, and being serious about my diet. I need help, and I need people to support me.

Here we go!